Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Sam's Lesson

Sam made a request last week, that he be allowed to teach the family night lesson this week. Jer and I thought that was a great idea, so we made a family home evening chart, hung it out for all to see, and waited for the fun to begin! With my kids, you never have to wait long:

Sam's lesson materials: a 'Santa's elf' doll, a skeleton hand he got from Uncle Matt, some pennies, and a clacking noise maker toy.

"Once, there were two boys who always followed the commandments. And Heavenly Father blessed them. So, if we want to be like them, we should follow the commandments."
Then, using the doll, and holding the skeleton hand on the end of the doll's arm, he scooped up the pennies and told us, "If you do, then Heavenly Father will scoop you up to Him, and hold you close to Him forever and ever."

It was very Rastafarian.
I thought it was actually pretty brilliant.

But, the fun didn't end there. He still had segment 2: the noise maker. As he swung it, and it clacked, he asked us, "Is this what the Holy Ghost sounds like? NO! It's NOT!" Then whispering, "It sounds like this!" Then yelling, "SO YOU BETTER LISTEN!"

But the fun still wasn't over. He then proceeded to pass out papers, so we could all write a poem. Sam's poem was especially nice: "My Eternl famly will bee with me four evr."

He wrapped it up with the ever traditional, "Amen."
Amen, Sam. Amen!

I think he has a future in teaching....

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

RIP Patrick Swayze

Last night, we were watching a tribute to all things Swayze on the news, and as they scrolled through pictures of his life, I found myself letting out a sigh. I was shocked that, at the precise moment I was sighing, I heard Jeremy (who was sitting on the couch behind me)also let out a sigh. I turned with a puzzled glance to meet his eyes. My sigh = wonderment at the man who gave us 'Dirty Dancing', 'Ghost', and many girlish fantasies of a hot boyfriend named Patrick. Jeremy's sigh = when is this gonna be over??? I had to smile at our differences.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Making Tracks

Went to the Big'O for new tires today, which you'd think would be uneventful...but it gave me quite a story to tell. Going to try my hand at being a play-write. FYI, NONE of their associates look like the guys on their website...everyone I interacted with was at least 20 years older, that many pounds bigger, and not a single one smiled at me...To avoid confusion, I have settled on a picture I found online, and doctored it to convey a certain emotion about my experience. Meet:

Big'O Guy:
Other characters include:

leggy blonde:

Other Big'o guy

and me:

Act 1, Scene1: The front 2 tires replaced on my Malibu, and the front end aligned.
"$179 for just the tires...if you want them aligned, it's another $74."

"Wow! Really? I sort of thought alignment would be included in my purchase of tires? No? Well, then let's just be sure it needs to be aligned. Go ahead with the tires and give me a call after you've checked the alignment."

"Sounds super!!"

Act 1, Scene 2: Phone call while window shopping
*ring, ring* "Hello? Oh hi, Big'o guy! The tires DO need to be aligned? Well, to be honest, the price seems a bit steep, considering I'm spending $200 on tires in your store. I'm on a tight family budget. Can you give me a discount on the alignment?"

"Well, I already gave you a $10 discount. It's originally $79. I can't go any lower than that."

"Ummm....you quoted me $74. That's barely a $5 discount....and it's definitely not $10"

"Oh, uh, *sputter, sputter* $74 is a $10 discount after sales tax...Plus I have to pay a tech and run a $35K machine."

"Well, I'll be there in a few minutes to get my car. Don't worry about the alignment."
at this point, feeling a bit 'taken' by Big'o guy.

Act 1, Scene 3: The plot thickens
"That'll be $179.99 for the tires."

"OK. Here's my card." *pay, pay pay, lalalalalala*

Enter stage left leggy blonde at next cash register:

"Oh, my front end needs aligned? How much is that gonna cost?"
(please note that she has only asked for cost. NOT discounted cost, like I did...)

"Well, it's normally $79, but I can do it for $59."

"Oh, gee *giggle* that is so great! See you in a few days! *teehee!*"

?????????????"Um, excuse me other Big'o guy"


"Did you just tell leggy blonde you would do a front end alignment for $59????????"

"Yeeeeeeeeesssss. Yes I did."

*sheepish grin*

What I should have said: "What the CRAP????!!!! If I grow 10 inches, put on some heels and lipstick, and get hair extensions, then do I get a discount? It's not good enough to be on a family budget and asking for for a discount? I have to be (said in Ben Stiller voice) 'really really gooood loooking', too? Screw you, Big'o guy! I intend to write a strongly worded letter to corporate Big'o! Hmph!"

What I actually said (while staring down Big'o guy): "Nice." Then I just left.

The End.

In hindsight, it's just possible that saying less was better. Big'o guy knows he got caught trying to hustle me. Maybe, just maybe Big'o guy feels bad? Maybe.