Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Inner peace.

I guess I'm jumping on the bandwagon! Time to be thankful. So, I thought today I would share an experience I had a few years ago...(Ok, ok, more than a few. Let me live in delusion, people! It's a happy place to be!!)

In a matter of a few weeks, I went from living in my own apartment with a great job, lots of "friends" and a generally pleasant quality of life to: living in my parents basement. Car broken down. No job. No friends outside my immediate family circle. Steadily gaining weight. It was a very dark place to be at 18 years old, and I was so awfully depressed. I kept asking questions like, "Why me?" and "Where can I find peace?" My amazing parents helped me fix my car, so that I could look for work and get my life together. In a moment of inspiration, I found peace in the least likely of places: within myself. Here's how:

I can still see that moment in my minds eye. I was driving up the point of the mountain towards Draper, Utah, with the radio blaring the latest one-hit-wonder. All dressed up for job hunting. But, I still felt like crap. It occurred to me as I drove that stretch of road, that I had done that everyday for several days in a row. I had spent at least an hour in my car, driving between Alpine and Draper and then back again, everyday for a week. And I had spent that time tuning in to the radio so that I could tune out my emotions. 5 hours!! That's not to speak of the time I spent going other places! How much time do you spend in the car (or on the train, or on your bike, or...)? I realized I could utilize those wasted moments. So, I began right then and there. I turned off the radio, and turned on my mind. And started making a verbal list of things I was thankful for. I thought if I could spend 5+ hours a week surveying my blessings, I may feel differently about life in general.

At first, it's tricky to spend that entire time being thankful. You find yourself being thankful for the trees, the grass, the air... . All good things, of course, but sort of superficial. But, the more I did it, the less redundant my list was. The more I was able to find the hidden blessings in my life that brought me to a new sense of self awareness and awe in to good I had in my life, even at that difficult time...Often I found tears in my eyes as I looked closely at the many ways I had been blessed. I was able to pull myself out of a very dark emotional place. I found the peace I was looking for in the blessings I had all around me. All I had to do was look!

At this time of year, when we're 'supposed to' to thankful, I hope you all find a little inner peace in looking for the hidden blessings life has to offer! Not because you're 'supposed to', but because when you do, you realize this life and this world are so much brighter than we realize.